“C’mmon already!!”

I like Jimmy. He’s a good guy you know, but he takes friggin’ forever to tell a story. He starts talkin’ to me about what happened at that place last weekend. He’s tellin’ me every friggin’ detail, down to the color of the guys face when he fell over. It’s like a damn book on tape or something. Like fuckin John Grisham is writing it out as he talks, or something. He’s tellin me how many people were around, what they was wearing, what they said…everything. I finally get so mad I just fuckin blurt out “C’mmon already!!” He gets all pissed off, but at that point I didn’t care. My friggin ears were fallin off. God forbid Jimmy ever fuckin turns states evidence or anything. I guarantee he’ll sing like that Spears girl. Unbelievable the the fuckin mouth on that guy.

“Dig the friggin’ hole.”

I know you seen this kinda thing on the movies, but it rarely has to happen. Usually we just dump the ‘load’ on the side of the road. Better yet we leave it on the fuckin’ kitchen floor. Occasionally though if things get really fucked up you gotta bury the ‘load’ somewhere outside the city limits. I get this call from Lou. He says he was havin’ too much fun at a club owned by a mutual aquaintance. Anyway he and this entertainer leave together, but they never make it back to his place. Somewhere along the way the bitch over doses. Lou freaks out. He don’t know how he’s gonna explain this one to our mutual aquaintance. I tell him dump the ‘load’ out west somewhere. Two days later I get a call from our mutual aquaintance. “Where the hell is Misty? I saw her leave with Lou two days ago.” I tell him to call Lou. Twenty minutes later I get the call that Lou has to ‘retire’ from the family business. I guess Misty and our mutual aquaintance had a thing going on. Anyway when I answer the call the boss just tells me “Dig the friggin’ hole.” So we threw Lou a retirement party.

“Whoa!”

We goof off ya know. We’ll be at Pauly’s bar or somethin’ havin’ a few drinks and kiddin’ around. Every now and again some one will cross the line between funny and personal. One time Jimmy and Lou were going back and forth. Jimmy says “Fuck your fat mother!” She has a weight problem yeah, but it aint Jimmy’s place to go talkin about it. So I interject with “Whoa! Jimmy that aint gonna fly.” Lou is already on his feet ready to go and says something about Jimmy’s late father being half Jew. I come in again “Whoa, Lou! Take it easy will ya.” Everything was calmed down and we all left peaceful. I swear though if hadn’t of said “Whoa!” to both them guys some one woulda got wacked.

“Cover your mouth.”

This is one of those things ya know. Anytime you’re outside and you’re talkin’ , it’s always best to cover your mouth.  The only reason for this is because the Feds. These fucks are always tryin’ to catch you saying somethin’ incriminating. So cover your mouth. Me and Lou was outside of the deli last week. He was talkin’ about his kid’s baseball game. He gets to talkin’ and the subject changes to the money he won bettin’ on the game. I slowly turn to him with my hand over my mouth and say “Cover your mouth, ya jerk off.” I don’t mean to be a  dick or anything, but a stunt like that will get us both locked up for at least a day. And what if it was something even more sensitive in nature? The Feds get you on tape and BAME! You’re fuckin’ state’s evidence. Even if you don’t rat you end up in the joint. If big Leroy wants to, he’ll get you. And he’ll make you cover your mouth too.

“Hey watch it will ya!”

In this kind of work you do things. Things you aint too proud of, or want to do. But an order is an order. If ever you gotta dispose of something that’s too fuckin’ big to move, you might wanna try cuttin’ into smaller pieces. I found this to be extremely helpful on several occassions. Just be fuckin’ careful, real fuckin’ careful. Once me and Pauly had too uh, shrink an order down. So we’re in there cuttin’ away, and Pauly turns his head cuz of the smell. He rasies his arm too. The same fuckin’ arm holdin’ a damn butcher’s knife. He comes way too friggin’ close to my face so I say “Hey watch it will ya!”

Ten minutes go by and there’s blood everywhere. We start movin’ part of the order, and this fuckin’ guy Pauly has still got the fuckin’ knife in is hand. I say to him ” Pauly are you fuckin’ slow or somethin’?” He say “Huh?” I say “Ten minutes ago I almost lost my friggin’ eye cuz of you. I fuckin’ told you to watch it with that fuckin’ knife.” I swear if hadn’t of told that idiot twice I wouldn’t be here today, and he woulda had two orders to move that night.

“The guy at that place…You know?”

When talkin’ in public about certain activities, it’s always best to be as vague as possible. So say you and Jimmy are at the coffee shop, and he asks about that job. You say “I dunno. What job?” He should say “The guy at the place…You know?” At which point you reply “Oh yeah that thing, it’s done.” You can now enjoy your coffee knowin’ that any business discussed remains confidential. In this line of work the less info the better, you know.

“I wasn’t never there.”

So let’s say that some fuckin’ detective is all on your ass about some truck from the docks outside Brooklyn. He’s sayin’ somethin’ like, I dunno, ‘We got a guy that says you was there.’ Tell the friggin’ cop ” I wasn’t never there.” Make sure you sound all suprised like so that he don’t get wise to you. Spend the night in lock up and go home in the morning. Now dis part’s really fuckin’ important ok. As soon as you get out, go and use the pay phone by the Dunkin’s. Tell Jimmy’s fat ass to unload the truck and torch it upstate. So that way when the cops come askin’ you about some truck upstate that got torched the day after you were released, you can tell ‘em “I wasn’t never there.”